After reading Cameron’s blog, it was hard to stop myself from writing an entry myself; I haven’t picked up on my blog for far too long. The actions of others always have an impact on me, after all, and I’m not surprised by this at all. I can assure you that I’m not simply procrastinating from doing my matrices and learning row reduction, since it’s quite enjoyable to do math in the morning at a nice cafe. It’s always early in the morning until 11 am when it’s the most relaxing because we all know most teenagers wake up in the afternoon. However, that’s not the problem– it’s when they decide that the first thing they’ll do will be going with their best pals to chat loudly. I guess that wouldn’t bother me because I have headphones on…I just don’t want to see them, I suppose.
Oh what the heck? I started talking to Cameron on chat and then I totally forgot what I meant to talk about. Don’t worry; I can always pull something out of the air and talk about it. In fact, I remember one thing I wanted to take note of and that was…two days ago, I presume? My friends and I decided to spend some time outside to get some exercise and a breath of fresh air. We played Ultimate Frisbee for a short while, intending to take a break. We also played an old school game called “Pizza” in between–which I am a champion at. We proceeded to take a stroll together through the park, since there are animals, a nice view, and everything. It’s usually a little awkward whenever we hang out but I’m quite used to it by now. The reason why it’s awkward is because our group sort of consists of the remainders of a previous love interest affair and it’s sparking up again. Just like before, no one is telling their feelings much about it. There’s the girl who consistently whispers to me about how she feels about the “couple”, and I just nod it off even though I feel like it’s a bit early to make these conclusions. Then, she uses my “agreements” to fight against the girl who denies that anything is happening. I really don’t want to get involved in this, and I’m quite happy that I’m not involved in the affairs myself. I don’t want to take sides nor do I want to try to fix it, because I’ve tried and nothing came out of it. Neither parties want to understand each other. I just hope the girl doesn’t continue to hypothesize and say that my agreement is conclusive evidence. Actually, I didn’t intend to talk about the little problem that’s happening in the suite. I just wanted to talk about our talk at the end of the night ’til dawn. Except now I don’t feel like writing about it anymore. I want to work, as surprising as that sounds if you think about how unproductive I’ve been ever since I entered university.
Basically, I feel that having a good intuition is horrible. I don’t have a good intuition nor is it bad–it’s just that, how would you know it’s right or not? If I was under the assumption that my intuition was strong, I would just keep making judgments without any conjecture or logic. This is the problem with everyone, I guess, including me. I thought I wasn’t appreciated by all of my suitemates–but I’m not. During the talk that night, she posed a question to everyone like she usually does when she wants to answer it herself. It’s obvious because if you happen to skip her, she’d just pull it back out and say she hadn’t answered it yet; if you just let her answer it, it doesn’t matter if others don’t. That’s how I know. Anyways, she asked if there was a person who made you a better person, who would it be? Her answer was me, and this surprised me a lot. I didn’t expect it to be any of our suitemates but I mostly didn’t expect it to be me. After that day, talking to her made me realize that one of the suitemates was not mean to only me–that she did that to our suitemates too. I had always thought that the other suitemate usually crueler to me…but maybe not. My intuition was wrong, and that there just might always be someone somewhere who sees the light in what you do for them.
Besides, it’s great to know these people–the people who are bothered by unidentifiable emotions–because I’m one of them. I find it a little ridiculous that when you ask for people’s feelings or opinions, they shrug it off and say that they don’t know. They don’t try to find out either and just leave it at that. Even if it’s a big problem, they don’t want to think about it no matter how important it may be. Then it just gets contained somewhere, I don’t know where. However, they’re probably lying too; they probably know how they feel and know where to express it. But you’ll never understand why they choose where they go to. I don’t think I’ll understand why a person will choose to love a person who hurts them, or speak to a person who is only different from a wall by appearance. Sometimes, I hear about the people around me being betrayed by friends, like being ditched or stood up. I never had the chance to experience or do something like that, because I’d never do that. They don’t know how much friendship means to me; they’ll probably never find out. Maybe their intuitions are telling them that I’m not a good friend, perhaps?
