It’s hard to say whether I’d rather be in Waterloo or here right now. I never understand when people miss Toronto or say that Waterloo is boring. I see no difference between the two and had I the choice, I would be studying right now for my exams. I don’t know why I came today when it feels like before–it feels like I was still in the school. Should I be grateful that nothing has changed? Should I be proud to say that I graduated from this place? I don’t know. I should be happy to see teachers today but I’m not. It feels like I’ve grown more attached to the actual structure of the school rather than the administration or people here. I’m more fond of these desks and the lake that I used to eat lunch at, over my own teachers. Even so, why did I come today? What did I expect from this place? Who would I have seen or what could I have done? Why did I come so early to school, leave, and come back again? Why do I do all of this? Was I looking forward to seeing other graduated students? Was I looking forward to helping younger students? How about talking with my teachers? Maybe I did, but I don’t know anymore. Either way, I do enjoy the peacefulness of my TA room–just like it had always been when it’s closed off for the afternoon. But, it’s different now.
I want to head outside to the lake and reminisce the lonely days. I went through a lot of drama through high school and I always found myself eating lunch at the lake away from everyone. Away from everybody else who had a room to sit in, a locker to lean by, or a window to sit against. I hated it, but now I almost miss it. It’s not much of a lake, especially because of how students have treated it, but it’s certainly the most tranquil place of the entire school. Students who don’t work, teachers who only scream and yell, administration that roam around to chat with others, and adults who are here to mingle. Basically, a useless institution. Basically, a wasted resource.
From time to time, the school spends an hour with the lake for Mass. As a first year in secondary school, I found it amazing how everyone could sit together and enjoy the words the Father spoke… and the lake. These feelings I have for the lake feel like they come straight out from a drama, but maybe this is how it feels when you’re so attached to something. This is probably how those people who are attracted to something they grew up with, feel. The place where they go for resolve and peace when there is no one else out there for you. Something that will never betray, leave, or hurt you. There is nothing here more memorable here than the lake, and it makes me miserable.
It makes me miserable how people have to pretend how I matter but when it’s time, I go back to the lake. I can’t do anything about it. I just to run away…back where I belong.
I’m glad I’ll be going back to Waterloo tomorrow.
